January 3, 2005 TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: When I opened the doors to our family van on August19th, 2004, I was met with two similar, yet very unique expressions. The expression on Jadens face was a frightened look of confusion and chaos, helpless and terrified, but also a look of relief at the sight of his father. It was an expression that I later came to deeply regret not paying more attention to, but then, how could I, for my attention was fixed on another expression. Liams body was covered in sweat, his skin was pale and his lips were blue; his eyes half open and watery, and in his expression I saw many things: a terrified look of frustration; an exhausted and desperate look of pain; a helpless look of abandonment and sadness. It is this expression that I see every night as I desperately try to close my eyes and fall asleep. It is this image that tears my heart out every morning as I awake. As the shocking feeling of horror and panic overtook me, I knew exactly what had happened. (For all my shock and anger and extreme sadness, there was one feeling I never felt and that was a feeling of surprise. I was not surprised because I knew, as only very few of us really did, that Rena Corban would one day kill somebody. Although I had always suspected it would be in the form of a car crash or that she might take her own life, so the manner in which Liam died was somewhat of a surprise.) At that moment when I realized what had happened, I knew I would find his mother drunk or dead. When I ran inside the house to find the phone all I could think was call 911, call 911. As I turned with the phone to head back outside, I saw Rena Corban peacefully slumbering in a recliner chair in front of the T.V., just twenty feet away from the car. I rushed to her, stood her up and shook her. Then I said the last words I will ever say to her. I said, “Get up damn you, Liams dead”. As I ran back outside, I was met at the doorway by Jaden, who was naked and sobbing. I told Jaden to go inside and I rushed back out to the car. I pulled Liams limp body from the car and laid him on the front yard. As I desperately tried to revive Liam, Jaden watched in confusion from the front window. Rena Corban never bothered or thought to venture outside to help or to see what she had done. Hours earlier, while Rena Corban watched movies, drank wine, took pain killers, attended to feral cats, and nap in that recliner chair, Liam Paulsen took in his last breath. In the days and weeks that followed, it became painfully clear, that Liam suffered a prolonged and agonizingly slow death; and that Jaden had witnessed this horror in its entirety. Meanwhile, Rena Corban sat in jail and maintained her innocence, while I had to endure the impossible task of explaining to Jaden what had happened. As I suffered an unbearable heartache, Jadens overwhelming trauma became all too clear. The painful evidence was exhibited by, among other things, the gasping, wheezing sounds he was making imitating the sounds of his slowly dying brother. One week later, when they dropped Liams casket into the ground, I barely had the energy to say anything. In between my crying and breathing, I managed to say to Liam, “Im sorry Liam, Im sorry for not having the courage and the resolve to take you away from her forever.". For over three months Rena Corban maintained her innocence and fought her conviction, refusing to be held accountable or to accept responsibility for what she had done. She has not, to this day, offered any kind of apology to Jaden, to me or the public, for this act of complete selfish, irresponsible cruelty. During those three months, I walked in a surreal world, struggling constantly with my great grief, the psychologically damaging affects on Jaden,and the growing evidence of Renas compulsive spending and utterly amazing, irresponsible financial mismanagement. I suffered a level of stress and anxiety so enormous, that I was unable to work for three months. Rena Corban had support in place for her alcoholism. She had sponsors and attended AA meetings but she did not want to change. She used her alcoholism to manipulate me and others into feeling sorry for herself in order to get what she wanted. The fact that she has no prior criminal records is simply because she has never been caught. The truth is she put my children in jeopardy many times. One time in particular, on Liams first birthday she made several trips to the liquor store without my knowledge, taking Liam with her and driving around drunk. Then she threw up all over herself and passed out in the back yard in a pile of her own vomit. It was after this incident that I threatened to take the kids away from her. Two months later she served me with divorce papers. Rena Corban knew what she was doing was wrong. She began drinking days before Liams death. Because she was house sitting for a friend and was not around our house, she knew I would not discover her drinking. She did not take the kids to the daycare center on August 19th, because she did not want to get caught. Rena could not stop drinking even when she knew she could lose her rights to her own children. I have no doubt in my mind that she will drink again and when she does, she will be a danger to herself and others. I believe that Rena is a calculating, manipulator, and a pathological liar, whose selfish behavior never acted in the best interests of her children. She has written letters to people that hardly know her asking for support. Those who come to court to support her have been deceived as well, for she would forsake anyone, including her own family to benefit herself. I have forgiven her countless times for many different reasons, but for the life time of psychological damage to Jaden that cant even begin to be measured, I cannot. For the experience of finding my sweet baby dead and what I can only describe as my eternal anguish, I cannot forgive her. Rena Corban made Liam Paulsens last day on earth a horrifying, prolonged and tortuous experience. It is the thought of this terrible torture, this prolonged and horrifically slow death on my sweet, innocent and beautiful baby boy that rips me up inside. Only those of us who have lost a child can fully understand. It is for this more than anything else that neither I, nor anyone else could or should ever forgive. Sincerely, Justin Paulsen HOME -
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